The last vestiges of what used to be childhood summer months are setting with the sun; I’m leaving August 2025 a bit older but not all that much wiser. I’ve been busy with a new hobby that should lead to a creative project, the details of which I’m not quite ready to share at this moment. I’m making an effort to limit my nighttime caloric intake each day and getting into a routine of intermittent fasting in hopes that I can lose some weight and improve my overall health outlook. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment scheduled for next month to hopefully tackle some of the other long-lasting concerns.
I think I’m making decent headway on things I should to be doing lately, even if other usual to-dos continue to linger in the periphery of my mind. I know I want to get back into writing more often, but there’s always something else going on. At this point, I’m trying to squeeze in a last-minute journal entry for the month so I can keep a bare minimum level of output going. I wrote something at my hiking spot last week and threw it away when I got home. I’ve written a handful of somethings over the course of 2025 and stuck them away in some folder on my computer that I haven’t looked at since. I'm not sure what I want to say, nor where I want to say it.
I just get tired of feeling like I’m always back at square one, no matter what I put my mind to. Last year, I was on a pretty consistent schedule with writing and had some good results to show for it. I was building something I could be proud of. I want to get back to this place, but it feels like there’s still so much ground to make up. I’ve struggled to commit to a long-term plan for my entire life, it’s in my nature to ebb and flow. I’m not made for this world of hyper-specialization; I want a taste of everything so I can decide what I like the most.
There will always be certain realities I can’t ignore. What I want and what will be are two entirely different things. I know I’ll have to reshape myself into uncomfortable dimensions to fit the universally agreed-upon parameters required for personal growth. Some things will never be like riding a bike. But also, it’s going to be okay. It may actually be fine, in certain instances, to choose the satisfaction of having done something versus the need to improve. I picked up writing because it can be a fun challenge. It's nice to know that people have responded well to my work, but external feedback is hardly the only thing that animates me. If I’m still enjoying myself, the rest will follow. Things are simply in progress.